WHAT’S THE VALUE OF A SUPPORT GROUP?

 Why is talking with a group of caregiving peers important to you as a caregiver?

     First, your parent is among the first generation in the history of the world to live into late life. In all previous generations, most people died before they reached later life, from disease, war, famine, and just the hardships of living in a difficult world. However, most of the babies born into this generation have survived to become older adults.

      The flip side of that story is that you are part of the first generation to experience caregiving as a normal part of midlife. Not only that, but you are providing care for more years than every generation prior to yours, and providing care for parents who are more frail.

     In previous generations, your parents might have provided care for their aging parent for months, or maybe a few years. Your generation provides care for aging parents for an average of 17 years! Many of you will care for 4 parents, if you assist your in-laws as well as your own parents.

     In the past, people died of their first physical crisis. People died from a heart attack, or a stroke, or of cancer. Now many people survive the first incidents, often for many years – but not completely recovered, not with the same health and vigor they had before the crisis. They need a little help – from you.

     Here’s where a support group becomes important. Since no one in a previous generation has experienced this, you have few options for advice. You are the leading edge. You do not have a model from earlier generations of how to choose between going to your son’s baseball game or going to visit your chronically ill mother. Your friends and neighbors and co-workers don’t know what criteria to consider when you’re faced with making heartbreaking decisions about money, time, and energy. You certainly were not raised knowing how to say ‘no’ to mom or dad.

     A group whose participants are other people currently facing the same issues that you are grappling with can provide support in a way nothing else can.

     Another advantage of discussing aging issues with a peer group is that you become a better, more knowledgeable caregiver. By drawing on the experiences of other participants, you have information on how to cope with events even before they happen. Most participants will say at some point, ‘Thank goodness I knew what to do, or had heard of that before”. And it’s reassuring to know that you are not the only one who resents the burden of caregiving while fearing the end of it.

 Another great reason to find a peer support group is to share your hard-earned knowledge with others who may be floundering and wondering where to turn for help. You may be able to guide someone through the process of taking the car keys or moving their parent out of the home where they’ve lived about 100 years.

 Become a better caregiver. Attend your local peer support group.

 
          

 

  Coping with Aging is a meeting for caregivers who are providing care for aging parents, spouses, friends, relatives, and/or other loved ones. The goal of all caregivers is to provide the best possible care while still retaining a life of their own and their sanity. The goal of Coping with Aging is to help caregivers achieve their goals, both for themselves and for their care receivers.

 Coping with Aging in Richardson has met continuously since 1989. We meet the 2nd Monday of every month at 7:00PM. Mark your calendars for the entire year, as this meeting is NEVER canceled. No reservation is needed and everyone is welcome. These are informal meetings, so come as you are. Although the meeting start at 7, do not skip it if you are late to arrive. Come when you get there and leave when you need to leave. This is the place to meet your peers, others who are caring for ther aging loved ones. Here you learn from them about how they are handling their suituation, what works and what doesn't, get ideas, and share resources and information. This ia a safe place to vent your frustrations and express your grief. Other participants have the feelings that you do. We laugh more than we cry.

For those who prefer a Thursday, I am facilitating a group that meets at Signature Pointe on the Lake, 14655 Preston Road, Dallas, 75254, (972) 726-7575,  www.signaturepointedallas.com. The parent company, Telesis, and the administrator, Kelly Wolfe, offered to host this group; we all hope that many of the Signature Pointe families will join in the discussions. Signature will provide refreshments, in addition to the chocolate that I always bring.

   Signature Pointe is just south of Belt Line on the right side as you go south on Preston. It has a beautiful lake with swans in front. The  meetings will be on the 4th Thursday of every month. It will start at 7p.m. Initially we will meet in the private dining room near the library. Further instructions about how to find the room and parking will be in the January eLetter.

 

Coping with Aging is facilitated by Kay Paggi, a Licensed Professional Counselor and an experienced facilitator for discussion groups for caregivers. When you attend, you gain the benefits of Kay's counseling skills, professionalism, and experiences with older adults. These is a $10 requested fee.

Kay encourages participants to share their experiences, bad and good. Discussions provide a forum for talking with others who understand the experiences of caregiving that cannot be found anywhere else. This is NOT a touchy feely support group. It is a group of caregivers who meet to discuss their experiences.

 Directions. The Richardson meeting site is the Church of the Epiphany at 421 Custer in Richardson. The easiest way to get there is to exit Central Expressway on Arapaho and go west for one block; the Richardson Civic Center and library will be on the left. The 1st light is Custer. Turn left (south) on Custer; the Civic Center will still be on the left, and you will pass the YMCA on the right, go past the new 1st United Methodist Church on the left, past condos on the right until you arrive at the Church on the right side. If you miss it, Custer dead ends into the service road. (turn around and go back for a block.) Once at the church there are two main buildings. One is obviously the sanctuary; we do not meet there. Come in the other building through the main doors.

There is a sign on the doors that directs you to enter through the glass doors off the patio; ignore this sign. The glass doors are locked when the secretary leaves. I will unlock the main doors. This building has several meeting rooms. Enter and come down the hall; our meeting room is usually in the center room on the right, the one with the fireplace and circular sofa. If we are not in there, we will have signs pointing to our current location.

 “ I want to tell you that I had always been an ‘I don’t need a support group’ person until I went to your sharing and caring group that meets at the Church of the Epiphany in Richardson. I went to a support group for families with loved ones that suffer from mental illness and I found that to be an education group, more than support and caring and NO sharing. I did not go back. Your group is very interactive and much experience is shared by the group as well as from the expert, you. I found your group to be mostly enriching, although hearing about what we may have to look forward to can be quite depressing. Please keep this group going as it is very beneficial…-George”

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